Chemo No

From May onwards this year I went through an aggressive combination of treatment and now I sit chewed up and spat out on the other side of this medical ordeal.

Chemotherapy is one of the bravest things a human can do my friend Leanne Pero says and now I understand.

Now I am a REAL cancer patient at the mercy of intrusive treatments and therapies. At Masala Wala Cafe August 2019

Dabbling with target drugs before was a breeze compared to what I have been through this year.

It took me to the edge, somewhere I had never been before in my life, I felt a sense of madness, like I could not hang on, like I could not continue living here.

Every part of my being felt thick like fog, I could not think straight, I felt frozen in time with depressive thoughts and restricted with chemotherapy/immunotherapy side effects.

To add to the overwhelming pile of stage 4 cancer problems, I encountered total hair loss, sensitive tastebuds, weight loss, nausea, extreme fatigue, neuropathy, under active thyroid, blown veins, lower immunity, digestive issues and various aches and pains.

I needed a portacath fitted for regular treatments as my poor veins could not cope with the toxic drugs being administered.

Portacath fitted July 2019

The first surgical procedure failed leaving a 3cm wound, the second attempt was a success under my left arm.

I was left with multiple wounds which I had to pay particularly close attention to as my immunity was compromised.

I had never been put under local anaesthetic in my life for surgery, this was a big challenge for me to overcome.

My chronic pain alleviated, I should have been relieved, to have a chance at quality of life.

Yet my tastebuds yell for spices I so adore, my brain wants my body to run around and do things 100mph like I once did.

I look in the mirror in total shock at the woman looking back, she is now a fatigued stranger, a shell of my former self.

Yet my spirit is still here, not clear at times, but she is still here…


Malaga Holiday October 2019