From May onwards this year I went through an aggressive combination of treatment and now I sit chewed up and spat out on the other side of this medical ordeal.
Chemotherapy is one of the bravest things a human can do my friend Leanne Pero says and now I understand.
Now I am a REAL cancer patient at the mercy of intrusive treatments and therapies. 
At Masala Wala Cafe August 2019
Dabbling with target drugs before was a breeze compared to what I have been through this year.
It took me to the edge, somewhere I had never been before in my life, I felt a sense of madness, like I could not hang on, like I could not continue living here.
Every part of my being felt thick like fog, I could not think straight, I felt frozen in time with depressive thoughts and restricted with chemotherapy/immunotherapy side effects.
To add to the overwhelming pile of stage 4 cancer problems, I encountered total hair loss, sensitive tastebuds, weight loss, nausea, extreme fatigue, neuropathy, under active thyroid, blown veins, lower immunity, digestive issues and various aches and pains.
I needed a portacath fitted for regular treatments as my poor veins could not cope with the toxic drugs being administered.
Portacath fitted July 2019
The first surgical procedure failed leaving a 3cm wound, the second attempt was a success under my left arm.
I was left with multiple wounds which I had to pay particularly close attention to as my immunity was compromised.
I had never been put under local anaesthetic in my life for surgery, this was a big challenge for me to overcome.
My chronic pain alleviated, I should have been relieved, to have a chance at quality of life.
Yet my tastebuds yell for spices I so adore, my brain wants my body to run around and do things 100mph like I once did.
I look in the mirror in total shock at the woman looking back, she is now a fatigued stranger, a shell of my former self.
Yet my spirit is still here, not clear at times, but she is still here…
SHE WILL ALWAYS BE HERE xxx
Malaga Holiday October 2019
Curry and Cancer 